….reading Jude’s post on space has got me thinking about home…an elusive space for me…
I think I was born a nomad..I was always on the move when I was young… even when I wasn't..in my youth I travelled in my mind, through books and documentary programs…my feet itched as my mind wandered to destinations beyond my reach…but life, as I chose it, kept me chained to a home…
…this is where my wanderlust began in 1968…the garden was expansive….. and….. we had a swimming pool…my imagination ran riot…I also learned to ride a bicycle in this garden (beyond the house we had half an acre of ground)…for the first time we had animals…two dogs…Lassie (an Alsatian) and Twinkle (a Pointer)….i watched this house grow from the ground…to me this was “our dream home”….how wrong could a family be…….my mother left this house….without so much as a goodbye…my life was turned upside-down…my father burned all my childhood memories on the “heap” at the far end of the garden…saving an envelope filled with guilt memories which he sent to my grandmother (my mother’s mother)….at least that’s what I think…because years later going through old photographs in my mothers new house with her new family…i came across this and other pictures…i took them and for a long time brooded over them….looking for “the dream home” that she shattered on the day she left….
…but looking at the house then and now (by courtesy of Google earth)…life moves on and looking at this has made me realise….it is about flipping time i did too….sometimes one needs to see it in pictures….I'm that kind of person….
this is not home…this is not my home space….
(mmm something just occurred to me…my father made security gates for the house and once they were erected i remember a conversation he had with a fellow neighbour in the local supermarket…the neighbour had commented that our house now looked like “Fort Knox”….i wonder what he would make of all the barbed wire on the gate and fence today)
10 comments:
a great and deep post. i thank you.
Jude.....thank you for getting me to start my journey.....to..home....to...space....to healing deep wounds.....
it feels strong, this different
understanding.
i feel honored that you have
allowed us to Witness this.
you are a courageous woman.
love,
I too am a wanderer, hence my surname - it is colloquial for traveller or swagman here. My stepfather destroyed all my childhood memories, threw them down the well. I don't try to look back, it's all changed, just keep moving on.
Home is deep inside.
Thank you Grace....x
Kaite....you have reminded me that I have not stopped moving, but I am sure you will agree that there is always that underlying niggle that rears its ugly head...from time to time. I know that home is deep inside.....but it is that I cannot find....
This is a deep and powerful and thought-provoking post. It is a delight and an honor to read it.
Thank you Jeanne
space can change in a instant but it can hang on to us forever.
we do create how we react to all this. thank you for sharing it...
thanks for sharing....
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